What is a sexual simmer?
A pot of water on the stove top will never boil without any heat. Turn on the element and you’ll eventually see tiny bubbles surfacing to the top. Keep the heat coming and the bubbles will get bigger and more abundant. With persistence, before you know it, the bubbles cannot even be contained – the water reaches a rapid, roaring, boil and bubbles gush over the top and onto the stove.
They say: “A watched pot never boils.”
Moving from still water to a roaring boil can feel like forever.
Sexuality is the same.
Either single or partnered, if your sexuality has been hanging out in a still, stagnant, unsexy place, it could feel like that roaring, rapid boil is far and forever away.
This tells you that it’s time to turn on a little heat, get some bubbles rising to the surface, and let your sexuality simmer. Once you’ve got it, keep it. Give it a permanent place to play in your day-to-day.
Once simmering, what does it take to get a pot to boil?
I recommend setting your sexuality to that place of constant simmer. You’ll always be within arms reach of boiling over.
Give yourself this permission to experience more pleasure.
When you embrace and turn on your sexual energy, you radiate this outward, and attract even more of it into your life. That could mean more flirting, self-love, sex, dates, lust, love, or just more joy as you move about your days with the spirit of sexuality alive and dancing.
But there’s more.
Sexual energy is powerful and has the ability to transform your whole life. It is a really important part of a person’s identity and can enhance almost every area if you choose to tap into and explore it. Imagine for a moment you’ve committed to improving your relationship with your own sexuality and have overcome some blocks or challenges that you were previously experiencing. How might this positively shift other areas such as: career, relationships, finances, and leisure?
Turning on the simmer has a lot to do with mindset, but there is also a physical component. As you read my Top 6, set the intention that you are starting NOW. Read as if you are reading erotica. Let sensuality wave over your body and imagine the possibilities.
Though there are endless ways to get things going, the most important thing is to find out what works for you, and do it, every day.
My top 6 ways to add a simmer of sexuality to your every day (plus bonuses):
- Treat yourself like a goddess or god. Take great care of yourself. You are a valuable and cherished asset to this planet. The more you take care of you, the better you will feel about yourself. You deserve to feel fabulous and when you treat yourself well, the more open you’ll be to inviting in the simmer of sexuality. Appreciate yourself, love yourself, adore yourself, pamper yourself. Eat not because you are hungry but because you are nourishing the most amazing body on the planet; clean the house because you are the most important guest who will ever visit your home; do personal hygiene knowing how rewarding it feels to nurture yourself with the ritual of cleanliness and health.
- Slow down. Do everything with mindfulness. Make sandwiches like you’re making love. Do you need to rush and hurry and spill things along the way? Try slicing bread while swaying your hips back and forth to your favorite song. Invite calmness and a flirty fortitude into your body and mind. Stress isn’t sexy.
- Dress in a way that makes you feel sexy and fabulous. Try wearing ultra sexy lingerie under your clothes or maybe no underwear at all. Buy clothes that fit your body in a flattering way, making you want to hold your head high and cat walk everywhere you go.
- Get out of your head. Be curious and open. Smile. If we are always tied to electronics and/or ruminating on old thoughts as we make our way through the world – we are closed. Roll your shoulders back, look out at the world and be curious. What do you notice? What are people doing? This openness to the world is sexy and a game changer. Catching a smile with a stranger, noticing other people notice you, starting unexpected conversations – all sexy. Be curious about life and in turn, life will be curious about you.
- Allow orgasms to enrich your life. Make touch a regular occurrence. Get to know your body. Explore your fantasies, masturbate, practice self-play, and get intimate with your partner (if you have one). If you’re not used to offering yourself time for this, schedule it, and stick to this schedule until it becomes a more fluid part of your life. This could be time for self-play or a sex date with your partner. You want to consciously lock in that energy of pleasure so you have it with you for the rest of the day. If you are someone who struggles with reaching climax, know that there is so much more to your sexuality than just having an orgasm. And what better way to work towards having one than inviting this energy and experience into your life. Set the simmer in place, be curious, and you never know what will happen next!
- Make movement a priority. Move your body, regularly, doing something that you enjoy and, ultimately, makes you feel sexy. I know someone who feels the sexiest riding their bicycle. Others love dancing, and for some it’s feeling strong from weight training. Being active by itself may not magically turn on the sexual simmer (and it may). But in combination with the above, you’ve got a good chance that the heat will get things going.
Bonus! If you’re in a relationship, you can also try these:
These next two are add-ons you can try as a couple. Use these to help ramp up your desire for one another and create a sultry simmering exchange. These are suggestions to keep you both excited, eager, and engaged.
- Sexting. Send a few sexy words or a suggestive picture to your partner mid-day and see how the heat rises. Let them know you are looking forward to seeing them later and why – what do you want to do to or with them? Let them know.
- Touching and grazing. As you’re working on the computer, perhaps take a moment to look up from the screen with sultry eyes, staring in a desirous gaze into your lovers eyes from across the room. When you’re passing your partner in the hall, sensually and slightly graze against them, or gently touch them in a suggestive manner. At a restaurant, maximize the minimal leg room as an opportunity. Get creative. Find ways every day to add seductive simmering touch.
And most importantly, have fun!
(watched pot comic source: https://bit.ly/2GNqDGF)