Language is a tool. It can be used for healing, empowerment and also harm.
You may have heard that our physiology can have an instant effect on our mood. The simple act of standing straight and tall sends a message to our brains telling us that we are confident. In turn, elevating our self esteem! That’s a quick and easy way to get a little boost. Now, did you know that using uplifting and intentional language has a similar effect?
In recent years a DIY home experiment has been circulating on the internet which showcases the impact of words and intention using rice. It’s a simple experiment by which you place 3 jars of rice in the same conditions. No other variables differ between the jars except for the words written on them and the words verbally spoken to them. One jar is purposely treated with love, one with hate and the third is completely ignored. The results: the one treated with love has little to no mold, the one treated with hate has black mold and the one ignored looks the worst with billowed black mold.
This experiment became wildly popular because it provides visual questioning of something highly debated – the effects of energetics on our human experience and health.
The rice experiment was inspired by an even more interesting experiment. Dr. Emoto captured the effects of music, words and prayer on water. The experiement is not only beautiful but it offers deep insight into the impact of the words we speak and the intentions we hold.
Dr. Emoto observed that music, words and prayer have a direct impact on water crystal formation. Loving words and classical music creates beautiful, complex geometric crystals whereas hateful words and heavy metal music created chaotic and unpredictable patterns.
As it points out in the video, we are more than 70% water. That water inside of us is used at every moment to make new cells, build and repair our bodies.
Therefore, the incredible importance of carefully selecting the words that we say to ourselves and to others become obvious.
If we want to live optimally, then we must take advantage of every moment and choose to live that moment from love.
Language cleaning is what I refer to as the process of eliminating words from our vocabularies that are disempowering or have the potential to negatively impact us or others.
I chose not to outline obvious bully-like words such as hate, but rather showcase the importance of more subtle and perhaps seemingly harmless words.
Eliminate these 7 Everyday Words to Improve Your Life & Relationships
When speaking to yourself:
I should go to the gym instead of watching TV.
I shouldn’t buy those shoes because I should save my money instead.
When you use “should” when speaking to yourself, it implies that something outside of you – an external pressure – is telling you that it knows what’s better for you than you. Operating from this place will perpetuate a feeling that you cannot trust yourself to make choices. It also tells you that someone or something is in control of your life.
Try rewording to something like this:
I tend to feel more joyful and energized when I go to the gym. I will plan to go today instead of watching TV.
I’ve thought about my options and I’m choosing to save my money right now because it will support me more in the long term.
When speaking to other people:
You should apply on that job offer.
You should tell your husband to stop going out at night.
When you use “should” in this way, it implies that you know the person better than they know themselves. It implies that your opinion is superior to theirs and of more value. It is a somewhat condescending approach and has a high potential to cause conflict in relationships.
Try rewording to something like this:
I remember you mentioning a job you’d like to apply on. It seems like a great fit for you. Have you sent in your application?
You’ve mentioned that you’re having challenges because your husband is out most evenings. Have you thought about discussing your concern with him?
“Luck” – good or bad – implies that the person who is “lucky” played no role in attracting or creating the circumstances, people or situations in their life. It suggests that these things were brought into the “lucky” person’s life by a force outside of them. Ultimately, this is a form of victimhood. When we take radical responsibility for our lives, we accept that we play an active role in creating the lives that we live. For example:
You’re so lucky that you get to work only half the year!
This statement disregards the person’s personal efforts, persistence, creativity and hardships that it took to make their vision a reality. And the same applies if you call yourself “lucky” too.
Try rewording to something like this:
You have crafted an amazing life that supports you in amazing ways!
When we use this word we tell ourselves that something is not possible rather than not optimal. For example one might say:
I can’t go rock climbing because I have a bad shoulder.
Is that really true?
I would suggest flipping that into a more empowering statement which could sound something like:
I could join you for rock climbing, however, my shoulder is injured so it’s not the best choice for me right now.
The first option tells yourself that something is not possible for you and the other is a conscious choice about what’s best for you in the moment.
4 – 7) Good/Bad & Right/Wrong
These are interesting words.
If you read my blog on fairness than you’ll be able to relate to this. Good/bad and right/wrong are indefinable. There is no line by which one can cross that makes a person, event or situation either good/bad or right/wrong.
These are simply perspectives on events.
Everything that happens is neutral. It is up to us to then judge those events to be either good/bad or right/wrong.
By eliminating these judgments, then you can respond without the emotional attachments you’ve associated with them. The space opens up opportunity to respond from a genuine place and with conscious thought.
By committing to speaking kind and loving words to yourself and others, you are committing to making big waves of change in your life.
By now you are likely already seeing what kind of positive impact these subtle but powerful changes can make for you.
When I made these changes I started receiving regular comments such as “I like how you said that”, “I like the way to you word things” and “That was a really kind way to approach that”.
When you speak softly, openly and with love, you release pressure from yourself and also prevent unintentionally applying pressure on other people.
People will naturally be attracted to you and want to be around you. You become inspiring to others.
Of course the list of words I’ve included in this blog is not complete. There are other words to be conscious of but this, sweet lovelies, is a great place to start!
This is also something my clients implement and they too see the impacts of Language Cleaning in their day-to-day lives and interpersonal relationships.
One client told me that when she stopped “should-ing” her husband the amount of arguments they had went down dramatically and they have grown closer together as a couple because of it.
That’s pretty good evidence of the power of your words and intentions!
Simply put – change your language, change your life.
If you desire these or other changes in your life, I want you to know that I am here to help. I work with women every day to move out of overwhelm, lack of confidence and envy into love-filled states of abundance where challenges become solutions and opportunities.