5 Steps to Build Resilience and Why it’s Essential

I used to think that “other people” had it easier than me. You know, “those people” who seem to have it all – the perfect family, health, successful careers, financial freedom and overall happiness.

I imagined that even if “those people” had it hard for a while, at some point they figured “it” out and life became easy. 

I dreamed of the day when my problems and challenges would suddenly halt and I graduated to this mesmeric place of ease and fluidity. 

What a DELUSIONAL thought!  

Thoughts like these are very destructive.

I had created a false perception of life that was unrealistic and completely unachievable.  I was guaranteed to feel like a failure and envious of the people who had reached this pinnacle place I imagined in my mind. 

Of course, some people will have more or harder challenges than others.  There is no doubt about this.  However, there is no value dwelling on this “imbalance” because fairness doesn’t exist

Expecting fairness is fantastical – it’s like writing a fiction book about talking unicorns and truly believing that in time you will converse the meaning of life with a pure white, one-horned flying horse.  

Here is your dose of reality – all people have problems and there is no graduation into an obstacle-free life.  It doesn’t matter if you are rich, successful, famous, healthy, and/or beautiful – it is a GUARANTEE that no one is getting through life without challenges. 

Even the rich and famous live in the same human form as you and I. They share the same relatable human experiences:

Amy Schumer – had hyperemesis gravidarum during her pregnancy which she describes as living 9 months with food poisoning

Lady Gaga – experiences PTSD from being raped and

50 Cent – once a millionaire rapper declared bankruptcy in 2016.

No one is exempt from life’s curveballs.  Until you really get in alignment with that, life will likely just throw you more in an effort to knock you out of your delusion and into reality.

The most important thing one can do to move through life with as much ease and grace as possible is to practice and build: RESILIENCE. 

According to Oxford, resilience is defined as:

“the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness” and 

“the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.”

Resilience is your most valuable asset in life.  It means you have taken ownership of your experiences and are committed to facing them with two firmly planted feet.  

Resilience is empowering.  It means you are not a victim, you are a problem solver. When you are resilient you are unshakable to the circumstances of life.  

5 steps to build RESILIENCE

When faced with your next obstacle, follow these steps:

1) Reminder yourself that you are no different than anyone else – leave the “Why me?” attitude at the door.

2) Get practical!  You are bound to have some emotional charge associated with whatever situation you are presented.  Look at the situation with neutral eyes.  Take the story out of it. What are the cold hard facts? 

3) There is a solution for everything.  Even when a problem cannot be fully resolved, there are ALWAYS ways to make something more manageable. Find the steps you can take that will give you more control and give you more peace about the situation.  In the words of Marie Forleo, Everything is Figuroutable

4) Put the steps into ACTION.  Once you figure out what options are available to improve or solve the scenario, do them!  Don’t sit idle, the solution is in the action and the action creates clarity.  

5) Be proud!  It’s not meant to be an easy process, but it is a rewarding and worthwhile one.  You are courageously building a new muscle and with time using that muscle will become easier to flex. 

One thing is for certain, life continually gives us opportunities to practice building our resilience.  And let it be known – the benefits of becoming resilient far outweigh the reasons not too.  Once you get good at it, you feel unshakable because you become unshakable! Life becomes more graceful, joyful and peaceful once you have the internal confidence to know that you can handle whatever it delivers.  

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